The Half-Life of Kathryn Janeway
by chakochick
Summary: Each chapter will be based on the best dialogue/lines from the Audible play "The Half-Life of Marie Curie". This idea came to me while listening to the audible version (which you should because it's amazing) and Kate is amazing in this play. I'll indicate in each chapter where the dialogue comes from, and each chapter will be a one shot. Enjoy!
1. Looks Like It'll Be A Bit More Involved

Chapter One is a line from Kate's character Hertha Aryerton, an engineer and genius in her own right. She came to visit Marie Curie after her fall from grace when it was discovered that she was having an affair with a married man. When Marie asks Hertha why she's come to visit her, Hertha says to her, "Because I thought I was going to very quietly make you tea and toast during your moderate troubles, but it looks like it'll be a bit more involved than that."

Kathryn's heart rate picked up as she approached his building. She knew the reason why, but would be damned if she'd admit it to anyone other than her own subconscious. It had been four months since she'd seen him or spoken to him. Four months since she'd walked away from her First Officer, her best friend, and the love of her life. Though the last description she would never say outloud and would vehemently refuse the existence of the very thought to anyone who even hinted at it, she had been heartbroken when she had found out that Chakotay and Seven were dating.

She couldn't really blame him. She'd all but ripped out his heart and stomped on it time and time again. She'd refused seven years of subtle come-ons and one or two blatant ones. She'd built up her walls of command and Starfleet parameters thinking they would keep her safe...until they began to crumble and she'd nearly been destroyed by the aftermath. When she finally cleared away the rubble and saw Chakotay and Seven hand in hand, it had nearly ended her. The ache in her chest lasted for weeks, and the sadness on her face still remained, until three days ago when B'Elanna told her that Tom told her that Harry told him that Seven and Chakotay had broken up. Apparently neither one of them had taken it very well, but no one knew anything else beyond the fact that they were no longer together.

And now Kathryn found herself standing outside Chakotay's apartment door in Sausalito. She'd gotten the address from Tom and B'Elanna and after several failed attempts to call him, she decided to stop by and see how he was. The day after she found out about the breakup, she'd gotten on her computer to send him a communication. It went right to his message system, so she disconnected, not at all sure what to say. The next day she comm-ed him again, and again it went to his message system. This time she left a brief communication; letting him know that she'd like to talk to him if he had a moment. He never attempted to contact her. The third day when she tried and it went to his message system she began to worry. She left him another message, letting him know that she was thinking of him and hoping that he was alright, and to please contact her if he needed anything. When he didn't respond to that message the worry turned into a slight panic.

So she knocked gently on the door, hoping against hope that he was home and that he was alright and that he wouldn't rebuff her or turn her away. She wished to the very spirits that Chakotay himself said brought them safely home from the Delta quadrant that he wouldn't turn her away. She knew that the last thing he needed was to hide himself away and bury his emotions. She hoped that perhaps she could be a shoulder to lean on or an ear to vent to. Her own feelings aside, she wanted to be there for him, as he had been for her these last seven years. She was feeling many things about him and for him, but more than anything, she missed her best friend...terribly.

There was no answer to her knock, so she tried the door chime. She couldn't hear any movement inside, so after several more seconds she knocked again. When she was met with silence still, she debated going in or leaving. Concern for her friend made her choose the former and she hoped he hadn't changed his access code from Voyager.

Keying Sekaya's birthday into his door lock combination pad, she door chimed and slid open, but only three quarters of the way. The sight before her caused her panic to slam into her chest with each quickened heartbeat.

There was broken glass and dishes everywhere. Several chairs were overturned and the couch was flipped over. A mirror in the living area looked as though it had been punched; a spiderweb of cracks wound their way from the center where several pieces of glass were missing, laying on the floor in front of the mirror.

She heard a rasping sound coming from another room and the sound of glass tumbling against glass. Several seconds later she realized that it was the sound of sweeping. Realizing that Chakotay was here and that she was in his home unannounced and probably unwelcome, she started to regret her decision to enter. She knew he wouldn't want her to see his place like this, and he was probably not in the right frame of mind for visitors, let alone her visiting. However, she didn't have a chance to back out of the room because at that moment Chakotay came out into the hallway and his eyes landed on her face.

"Kathryn?" His voice held little emotion and his eyes were dark.

Her chest tightened at the sight of him. His hair was messy, as though he hadn't done anything with it in several days. He had several days worth of scruff forming on his chin and cheeks and his black t-shirt and bluejeans were marked with dirt and dust, as were his shoes. He held a broom in one hand and a dustpan full of glass in the other.

"I knocked, but you didn't answer," was the only excuse she gave for her surprise visit and her intrusion.

He stared at her for several moments, frozen in the hallway as she watched him. She couldn't read his expression and that was what frightened her most of all. In the seven years she'd known him she'd come to know every nuance of his face; the way his eyes crinkled when he tried and failed to ignore something funny. The way his dimples pressed up into his face when he was pleased. The way his shoulders pinched just slightly when he was tense or nervous. This was the first time that she had no idea what he was thinking or feeling, and it scared her. She felt like she'd lost him all over again.

"What are you doing here?" His voice came out monotone as he turned to dump his burden of broken glass into the recycler. Setting the dustpan on the counter and leaning the broom against the fridge he turned back to face her, his arms crossed.

"I called several times, and you didn't answer or message me back." She tried to keep the heavy concern from her voice, but she knew her eyes would betray her. She might not be able to read his emotions, but she knew that her eyes always gave her away to Chakotay. To him, she was always an open book.

"But why did you come here?" He asked again. She thought she sensed a bit of hope in his voice, but it might have been her imagination.

"**Because I thought I was going to very quietly make you tea and toast during your moderate troubles,"** she glanced around at the state of his apartment, "**but it looks like it'll be a bit more involved than that."** She thought maybe some humor would lighten the mood.

It didn't.

"Kathryn, I don't need your sympathy or your pity." He kicked at a piece of broken ceramic on the floor, using his foot to nudge it rather violently towards the recycler.

"Then you won't have it." She put her hands on her hips in an act of defiance that he'd seen many many times. "But how about a hand cleaning up?"

He watched her for a moment before letting his hands falls to his sides in defeat. It was then that she noticed a bloody bandage wrapped around his right hand. All other emotions left her as concern welled up in her chest as she walked to him quickly, taking his hand gently in hers. She considered it a small victory when he didn't recoil away from her. "Chakotay, what happened?"

He heaved out a sigh, "I don't want to talk about it."

"Well that's fine, but why haven't you seen the Doctor, or even used a dermal regenerator on it?" She carefully peeled the bandage away to reveal bloody and bruised knuckles and swollen fingers. He merely shrugged in response. "Do you have a med kit?"

"Yes, in the bathroom cabinet." She tossed the bloody bandage in the recycler and moved quickly down the hallway towards the bathroom, careful to avoid the broken glass on the floor.

The shower curtain was half ripped from the rod and the medicine cabinet door hung broken and open. Kathryn pulled down the dermal regenerator and a pain relieving hypospray. Careful not to step on any more broken glass she made her way back to the kitchen.

Chakotay stood where she'd left him, staring at the overturned sofa. He had the wherewithal to tip his head to the side, exposing his neck as she depressed the pain medication there. She watched the furrow in his brow ease ever so slightly as the medication entered his blood stream.

Setting the hypospray down, Kathryn took Chakotay's hand in hers again, flicking on the dermal regenerator and moving it gently over his knuckles until the swelling subsided and the cuts and abrasions healed over until all that was left was new pink skin and dried blood.

She didn't let go of his hand, her eyes searching and finding his as he finally looked at her face. The darkness there lightened just a fraction and she couldn't help but smile. "Why don't you go get cleaned up? Take a shower and change your clothes. I'll start cleaning up in here and get us something to eat." His eyebrows went up slightly at that and Kathryn chuckled. "I'll have something delivered." Chakotay's dimples pressed ever so slightly into his cheeks as he nodded slowly.

"Alright." Something in his gaze changed and he nodded again. "Thank you."

"What are friends for?" She still tried to keep things light, since he obviously didn't want to talk about what had happened. He moved off down the hall and closed the bathroom door.

Kathryn quickly ordered food from a Chinese restaurant nearby and went to work sweeping up the broken glass and splintered wood from the floor before, with some effort, turning the couch back over rightways.

She wasn't sure what to do about the broken mirror. She knew she didn't have the strength to take it down herself, so she cleaned up the broken glass on the floor beneath it. A drawer of silverware was pulled out and dumped on the floor in the kitchen, so she put that right, before searching his cupboards for tea.

She knew he enjoyed replicated tea alright, but if he had a choice, he preferred fresh brewed. She found several herbal blends and put his kettle on to boil, silently thrilling at the fact that he also had a can of her favorite coffee on hand as well. She measured out a portion for herself and when the water was boiling she brewed herself a cup and set the teabag in another mug and covered it with the hot water.

She was just taking a break from cleaning to take a sip of coffee when Chakotay emerged from the bathroom. He looked much better than when she'd arrived.

His hair was back to normal; styled the way she was used to seeing it on Voyager. He'd shaved, and though she liked the look of scruff on him, he was looking more himself now. He'd opted for a white t-shirt and a fresh pair of blue jeans.

She was seated on a stool at the island in his kitchen and he sat down next to her, taking his tea in hand and taking a sip. "You didn't have to do this, Kathryn."

"Do what?" She didn't look over at him, but leaned her shoulder into him gently.

"Clean, make tea, order food."

"I know I didn't have to. I wanted to. I was worried about you, and when you didn't answer any of my calls…"

"The communicator is broken." He motioned towards the far wall of the living room and Kathryn looked behind her at the communication device. It was indeed broken; a large gouge in the screen distorted the viewer, and the keypad was smashed. She turned back to her coffee, nodding silently.

"It was the mirror, or Seven." He spoke softly after a moment, embarrassment creeping into his voice.

"What?" She was confused, not understanding the segway their conversation had just taken.

"My hand," he sighed out, holding up his now healing knuckles, "I was so angry at Seven that it was either hit her, or something else...the mirror was the closest thing to me at that moment."

Kathryn's heart lurched. She hadn't known him to be that angry since their very first meeting when he'd threatened Tom on the bridge of Voyager. She didn't know what to say to him, so she merely took his hand that he held up, lacing her fingers with his. Her heart calmed when his fingers folded between hers, holding her hand gently in his.

They remained silent for a moment, and just when Kathryn had built up the courage to ask him what happened, there was a knock at the door. They both jumped and Kathryn chuckled, pulling her hand gently from his. "That would be the Chinese food." He nodded as she got up to pay for and collect the food.

They ate mostly in silence, talking a bit about easier topics; Miral, Kathryn's family, Chakotay's sister. It did a lot though, to bridge the gap of time that had transpired between their being thrust back into the Alpha quadrant and now. She could feel their old camaraderie slipping back into place and it was the most comfortable she'd felt since they'd returned home. She hoped Chakotay was feeling it too.

"Seven is pregnant." Chakotay whispered.

Kathryn choked on the sip of coffee she'd just taken and felt her heart drop, landing somewhere amongst the broken glass that still littered parts of the floor. She couldn't look at him, but merely whispered, "Oh," in response. That was not at all what she'd expected, and suddenly dozens more questions flew to the front of her mind, and as desperate as she was for answers to those questions, she choked them back, swallowing the bile that rose in her throat as thought after thought flitted unwanted through her mind's eye. She would keep silent and let Chakotay speak at his own pace.

"It's not mine." He spoke again, turning to face Kathryn. Those next words from him shook her, forcing her gaze to meet his. She saw nothing but honestly in his warm brown eyes, but confusion clouded her own.

"But, how do you know?" Her knee bumped his as she turned; that tiny touch sending jolts of charged energy through her whole body. She felt her cheeks flushing slightly.

"Because we never…" he didn't need to finish the sentence, and Kathryn's mouth dropped open at his admission.

"Chakotay, you don't have to tell me this if you don't want to."

"No, it's alright. We've never kept secrets from each other before. It would feel wrong to start now, after everything we've been through together." Kathryn nodded. She couldn't argue that point.

Chakotay took a deep breath and the floodgates opened.

"We both decided to take things slowly, since we were both newly back to Earth, and she was still working on figuring out her own humanity. She'd only known life on a Starship. I wanted her to get used to life on Earth, without the restrictions and protocols of Starfleet life.

"It was going well, and I came home last week and could tell she was ready to...escalate things." He ran his hand through his hair as he used to do on Voyager when he was uncomfortable or agitated and Kathryn knew that the meat and potatoes of the story was about to be dropped on her.

"Well we…" he tugged his ear gently, "Anyways, things began to move forward, and she...and I…" he sighed out a self depreciating chuckle, a rueful expression taking over his beautiful features. "I called her your name."

Chakotay's eyes darkened and Kathryn knew what it was costing him to share this with her. Butterflies fluttered in her own stomach at the realization of what he'd just said, but she would have to keep that revelation to herself as she knew his story wasn't over.

"I apologized vehemently, but she exploded in anger. She told me that it was unacceptable; that we had to sleep together and that I had to love _her_ because her child needed a father."

"Oh, Chakotay." Kathryn's heart hurt desperately for him as the anguish took over his features.

"So there I was, my heart belonging to a woman who doesn't share my feelings, and unable to give my heart to a woman who desperately wanted and needed it." He scoffed.

"Anyways, I told her that her actions were inexcusable despite my slip of the tongue, and that we'd better end things now. She continued to try to persuade me to take her, to sleep with her, that we could always pretend the child was mine. We would tell our friends and family that we were happy and in love and expecting a child together." He scrubbed his face with his hands, "But the thought made me sick to my stomach, and it dawned on me fully that a relationship with Seven would never have worked, even without her dropping the bomb of her pregnancy on me."

Kathryn sat silent and stunned as she took in and relived each word he'd just spoken to her. Seven was pregnant. The child was not his. He didn't love Seven. They were no longer together.

"So how did you go from that to this?" She motioned at his destroyed apartment.

"When I wouldn't budge on the fact that it was over between us, she went ballistic. She began smashing anything and everything she could get her hands on." He looked at his demolished belongings. "I tried to stop her, because there was broken glass and wood everywhere. I didn't want her to hurt herself of the baby. When we got in here, she began telling me of her time with the father of her child, how wonderful he was...how much more of a man he was than I...how good he was in bed…rubbing in my face the fact that I couldn't be what she needed. I felt like a failure all over again...

"That's when I punched the mirror and forced her out of the apartment." His shoulders slumped as he finished his story.

Kathryn's heart nearly broke in two...Chakotay thought himself a failure? She took his hand, and when he tried to pull it away, she squeezed harder, refusing to relinquish her grip.

"Chakotay, if anything, this is my fault." His eyes met hers, confusion painted there...and maybe just the tiniest bit of hope. "I knew how you felt about me...about us...for seven years, and I pushed you away, again and again. If I had just been honest with you, none of this would have happened." She pressed her palm to his cheek, brushing her thumb gently across his cheekbone, smiling when he covered her hand with his own. "Chakotay, your heart belongs to a woman who _does_ share your feelings."

His eyes went wide at her admission before all the air escaped his lungs. "Kathryn," the word came out on a sigh as he leaned forward, pressing his forehead to hers. Seven years of waiting and holding back went out the window as their breaths mingled and souls touched as they sat silently in his kitchen, her hand on his cheek and his forehead pressed to hers. "I've missed you."

"I know." She leaned back, his eyes filling with love and adoration, certainly matching her own. Almost of their own volition their lips moved towards each other until she felt the softness of that full bottom lip pressed gently against hers.

Their first kiss was everything she'd hoped it would be. It was like coming home, and the promise of a future she hadn't dared dream of stung at the corners of her eyes.

Pulling back gently she couldn't help the smile that lifted her lips, brought even wider when his own dimples played into his cheeks. "Let's finish cleaning up in here, and then let's take a walk. We still have a lot to talk about." He nodded, standing up and offering her a hand to help her to her feet.

"Sounds like a plan."

Author's Note: Okay guys, several things. First, it has been brought to my attention that I have neglected my other stories over the last week...which couldn't be farther from the truth. I have been working on ALL of my other unfinished works, but I've been a bit preoccupied this past weekend because I got to meet KATE FREAKING MULGREW...TWICE! Oh mylanta...she is AMAZING! Let me just gush about my trip for a minute...I got into Manhattan on Friday the 6th at about 10:30 AM where I met the adorable and lovely Leisy. We rode into the city to our hotel where we then met up with Taylor and headed off to see Kate's son Alec's art exhibit...VERY lovely if you get the chance. Next was to the September 11th memorial, and then up town for lunch. We then headed back to the hotel to do...what else...but watch Voyager (Resolutions and Coda). Taylor had to head home, so Leisy and I made our way to the Minetta Lane theater in Soho for the play...IT...WAS...AMAZING! Kate was BORN to play the character of Hertha Ayerton, and Francesca Fanidany brought amazing emotion to Marie Curie. The play went by in a snap and afterwards we went outside to wait in the hallway for the actresses to come down. We found Bennett (Kate's BF) near the door and lurked near him...because obviously she's gonna come down and see him. And she did! It was actually Bennett's birthday, and they were going out to dinner, but he waited very patiently and graciously for her to take photos and sign autographs. Leisy and I got a picture with her, but had no sharpie for an autograph. Anyways, Kate and Bennett left and we decided not to creep and follow them, but meandered back to our hotel on a total Kate Mulgrew high.

The next day we met up with Taylor again for more sightseeing. We went to Rockefeller Center, 5th Ave, and Times Square, then back to the hotel for more Voyager watching. Dinner was at the hotel restaurant, and we had dinner and a show. There was a birthday party happening and we got to listen to Albanian folk music while we ate. Then it was off the the theater again for round two of the show. We bought Kate flowers and a bottle of Jamieson Whiskey (Kate's favorite) and headed inside. There we met the lovely Jemabean and her boyfriend and got to experience the show for a second time. We sat front row and Kate was freaking two feet away from us!

Afterwards we got more pictures and autographs this time, from both Kate and Francesca. It was a completely magical weekend and we were so sad to see it end. Leisy and I headed back to the airport early Sunday morning to fly home. I was so sad to leave them all behind, but it was a weekend I'll never forget.

Now, back to my stories. I have the next chapters to all of them nearly complete and should 'hopefully' have them posted this weekend. The holidays and work keep everything busy, so I'm sorry my normal updating schedule has been a bit off (I've gotten some flack for it) but I don't mean for it to be. Bear with me, and I hope to be caught up soon. Until then, Merry Christmas and happy holidays to you all! Many hugs!


	2. Beat Thy Breast In The Moonlight

Author's note: So here we are with the next installment. Just a reminder...these are all one-shots, and no two chapters are related. They will bounce all around, timeline wise, and the quotes from the play will not occur in any particular order. Today's quote is from Kate's character, Hertha, speaking to Marie when Marie comes to Hertha's beach home in England to spend the summer away from the press after news of her affair comes to light. The quote today is "Sit. Or don't. Do whatever you like. Dance. Prowl around naked. I mean it. Beat thy breast in the moonlight. Or, you know, just take a nap."

I would say this would be roughly middle to end of season three, but no specific timeline...let me know what you think!

=/\=

"**Sit. Or don't."** The Hanuka Maharishi smiled up at Kathryn, her large green eyes conveying nothing but warmth and sincerity. "**Do whatever you like. Dance. Prowl around naked."** Kathryn's mouth dropped open, an embarrassed scoff formed in her throat at the absurdity of the Maharishi's suggestion.

"Maharishi Tena, that would be a bit over the top for a Starfleet Captain." Kathryn felt her cheeks pink at the thought of exploring this lush, exotic jungle...in the nude.

"**I mean it. Beat thy breast in the moonlight. Or, you know, just take a nap. **Whatever your heart desires, Captain, that is what I wish for you. The island is yours for the night. Whatever you see fit is what I wish for you to do."

Voyager had come upon the planet Hanukana three days ago, and had received their warmest welcome yet of any new species in the Delta quadrant. Shore leave had been easily negotiated for the entire crew, and Kathryn was given free reign of the tropical island of Manyura; a private island used only for foreign visitors and domestic dignitaries. The planet of Hanukana was on an opposite time table as Voyager, so their night was Kathryn's day. She was wide awake and eager to explore _and_ relax in this veritable paradise. "I so very much appreciate your hospitality Maharishi. And I know I speak for my entire crew when I say that."

"Of course, Captain. We understand the journey you are on, and the long way you have to get home. If we can offer any comfort or relaxation for you and your valiant crew, we are blessed to do so. The Gods smile upon you, and please enjoy your stay. I will be back to collect you when the second sun rises over the mountains." Maharishi Tena pointed behind Kathryn towards the palm tree and vine covered rock face behind her.

Kathryn thanked the woman again, a thrill tingling down her spine at the thought of spending the day (or night rather) mostly alone and at peace on this island.

The air was warm and humid, but a soft breeze played through the trees, cooling Kathryn's overheated skin. Even in her light linen pink dress, the one she'd worn several times on New Earth, she felt warm. Once she was sure she was alone she moved off towards the trees to her right where the Maharishi had told her of mineral pools that she could soak in. A smile crept across her lips as she decided to take Tena's advice. She pulled her dress over her head, draping it over a large rock next to the path. She quickly discarded her bra and panties and thrilled at the feeling of being completely unencumbered by her clothing.

There was something carnal and primitive about being naked in the jungle, and she felt her heart pick up at the thought. Knowing she was totally alone set her at ease enough to enjoy the feeling of being at one with the wilderness around her. Her bare feet on the dirt path beneath her and the large palm fronds delicately caressing her naked skin made her feel totally and utterly alive in a way she'd never felt before.

She hadn't had a bath out of doors since New Earth, and the thought of it now was enticing. She had several hours before she planned to meet Chakotay for a mid day meal and wanted to take a bath first; soak in the refreshing water and relax. She hadn't properly relaxed in...probably over a year. Giddy, she followed the path through the trees towards the water.

=/\=

Chakotay beamed down to the island earlier than he had planned. He had been studying the lunar patterns of this planet's night sky and decided that seeing it for himself would be better than holo-images on the computer in his office.

This planet had three moons that rose and traversed the sky in near succession, and as he materialized on the beach he saw that everything was bathed in a silvery gold glow. He took a deep breath, his lungs filling with the sweet, humid air of the jungle. He would also love to see the landscape in the daylight, but right now, in the moonlight, the island looked almost ethereal.

Remembering from his studies of the island's geography that the bathing pools were off to the left, and a path that led to a religious altar to his right, he decided to explore the latter, knowing Kathryn had probably made a beeline for a soak in the warm water, and he did not want to disturb her.

He walked slowly and silently down the dirt trail, the glow of the three moons easily lighting his path. The noise of the night insects set of a cacophony of natural music that soaked into his very soul. He paused in his walk, closing his eyes, casting out his other senses to take in all this magical place had to offer.

The air was warm and moist on his skin. He was glad he'd opted for a light linen shirt and shorts instead of his uniform as the humidity made the air feel warmer than it was.

Taking one more deep breath he opened his eyes and continued walking. As he rounded the bend he came up short.

Beside the path he walked on stood a large boulder, and on it rested a pink dress that he recognized, having seen Kathryn wear it several times...the last time being several hours ago as she prepared for shore leave. He flushed when he saw the bra and panties that rested beside the dress. He'd obviously made a wrong turn and was _not_ headed towards the religious altar.

A sound several meters in front of him caught his attention. It was humming. And he recognized the voice…

...Kathryn.

Realizing the state of her undress, he knew he should do an about face and leave her to her privacy, but like a moth to a flame, he was drawn to her.

He moved quietly, toeing off his own shoes so he could move across the dirt silently in his bare feet. Thankfully a short, squat palm tree grew next to the path and the fat leaves were easy enough to crouch down behind and allow Chakotay to vanish into the shadows. He did just that, waiting for Kathryn to come into view.

And the sight of her took his breath away.

She faced away from him, observing a vining plant that wound its way up a large tree before her. The vine produced large plumeria like white flowers that were just out of Kathryn's reach, and she stood on tiptoes trying to pull one down.

Chakotay's eyes traveled up the pale skin of her legs, her calf muscles flexing as she balanced on her toes. As she reached her arm up he watched the pull of her delicate skin over her shoulder blades as her muscles and tendons flexed from her movements. Her hair was in a simple braid down her back; one that he'd seen numerous times on New Earth and after, but seeing her now, in the light of the three moons and nude before him, she looked like a goddess come to life.

The soft curve of her hip narrowed at her waist and he ached to run his fingers across her skin. She finally plucked a blossom from the vine, but reaching at an odd angle caused her to lose her grip on it and the blossom fluttered to her feet. She knelt to retrieve it and Chakotay watched, mouth open as her spine curved forward, each vertebrae visible under the skin of her back.

As she stood up she pressed the blossom to her nose, inhaling the musky fragrance. She turned slightly and Chakotay was graced with the slightest view of the curve of her breast as she reached behind her, tucking the blossom into her hair.

Finally deciding it was time for her bath, she turned towards the mineral spring that bubbled gently out of the rocks beside her, forming a pool roughly half the size of her ready room.

She was in full profile now and Chakotay sucked in a breath at the sight of her. The moonlight played over her hair; her tresses shimmering golden and copper in the pale light. Her cheeks were flushed, either from the warm air or her nudity, he didn't know which, but the sight was entrancing. The swell of her breasts caused his body to react as his eyes roamed over her illuminated figure. Her skin seemed to glow as she moved gracefully towards the water's edge.

He knew he should retreat, but he was frozen, watching the beauty before him, knowing he'd never have the opportunity again.

He watched her abs flex gently as she crouched, taking hold on a rock near her knee as she lowered herself into the warm water. Her eyes slid shut and a soft moan escaped her parted lips as the water slowly enveloped her skin. Chakotay watched, enraptured, as her body leisurely disappeared beneath the surface of the water, the pool looking like liquid silver and onyx in the moonlight.

She leaned her head back against the edge and closed her eyes, another contented hum sounding in her throat.

Chakotay breathed silently through parted lips as he watched her, a soft smile gracing her face as she relaxed into the water until only her neck and face were above the surface.

He didn't know how long he watched her, but eventually his knees protested his crouched position and he slowly stood up, cursing to himself as his knee made a soft popping sound as he came fully upright. He froze, but Kathryn never opened her eyes or made any indication that she heard him.

As quietly and quickly as he could, he moved away from her little haven and back down the path there he'd left his shoes. He picked them up and continued walking, glancing once again at her discarded clothes. Letting out a deep breath in an effort to regain his composure, he was glad he had time to calm himself down before he met Kathryn for lunch on the beach.

Once he reached the sandy shore he turned in the opposite direction, still curious about the religious altar and decided to explore that in the meantime, trying and failing to get the images of Kathryn out of the forefront of his mind.

=/\=

"There you are." Kathryn's voice sounded as Chakotay came out of the forest and back onto the beach. She had a blanket spread out on the sand and a large picnic basket had been beamed down for them. "I was starting to wonder if you'd lost track of the time."

Chakotay came to sit beside her on the blanket, smiling as he took a glass of wine that she offered. "I was visiting the Hanuka ceremonial altar. Tena told me about it and I was curious to see it." Kathryn nodded, taking a sip from her own wine glass.

"Sounds lovely. If there's time, will you show me?" She set her glass down and began unpacking all of the food that they had.

"Of course." He took another, rather large sip and tempted fate, "How have you been spending your shore leave so far?"

Her eyebrows went up and a smile played at her lips, "Tena told me about some wonderful mineral springs in the jungle. I've just had the most wonderful bath. It was so relaxing." She closed her eyes at the memory of the water and Chakotay's mind flashed to _his_ memory of it.

"Sounds lovely." He took another sip, needing to change the subject. "It was so nice of the Hanukan's to arrange for shore leave for the entire crew, and so quickly." And their conversation quickly turned to safe topics, and Chakotay was almost able to forget about what he had seen...almost.

They ate and drank and laughed and walked the beach, arm in arm, both leaving their shoes near the blanket in favor of wading in the cool water of the ocean. Kathryn laughed when a large wave came crashing towards them and Chakotay easily lifted her off her feet, his hands coming around her waist to pull from harm's way.

Before they knew it the first of the three suns began to peek over the top of the mountains and Kathryn knew their time was almost up.

She had opted for only one day/night of shore leave for herself so that the crew might have more time. Being on Voyager with only a skeleton crew was sort of a vacation in and of itself. Having the corridors to herself was relaxing in its own way.

Just as the second sun made its appearance, Maharishi Tena and several other Hanukans came into view. Kathryn and Chakotay smiled and gave their thanks as they greeted the natives, before calling for a beam-up back to Voyager.

Once firmly on the transporter pad, Chakotay offered to walk Kathryn back to her quarters, since it was now their 'night time'. Kathryn gladly accepted his company and they made their way towards the nearest turbo lift.

They walked in companionable silence from the turbo lift down the deserted corridors of deck three. When they reached Kathryn's quarters she keyed in her access code and the door opened.

"Thank you, Chakotay. I had a lovely time."

"So did I, Kathryn."

She entered her living area and turned to face him, "You know, the mineral springs would have been big enough for the both of us. Instead of just watching, you should have joined me."

Chakotay's mouth dropped open and he saw the faintest smile pulling at her lips as the door closed between them.


	3. Very Nice Intimacies

This chapter is based on some of Kate's dialogue when speaking to Marie about her affair. The quote here is "You've jsut had some very nice intimacies that I'd like to hear all about when it's appropriate.

I will say that hearing Kate say that was SUPER funny (as a lot of her dialogue was) and the moment between Hertha and Marie was awesome! (They also go 'drunk' in the play and had a very interesting conversation...that will probably play a part in future chapters)

A HUGE thank you to gijane for her contribution to this chapter...you're the best!

Another reminder that these are all one-shots, and no two chapters are related. Let me know what you think!

=/\=

Kathryn sat on her mother's sofa in the small living room, absently playing with the two platinum bands on her left ring finger. She had just barely gotten used to the weight of her engagement ring when, just over two weeks ago, Chakotay had placed a matching wedding band there, sealing their love and vows with a kiss. They had spent two weeks in Hawaii on their honeymoon, and were now having a welcome home dinner with Kathryn's mother and sister.

Kathryn smiled to herself, not able to _not_ think about the events of the past two weeks.

Voyager had been back on Earth for just over a month. The moment that Voyager was in space dock and command was officially handed over to Starfleet, Chakotay had gotten down on one knee, on the bridge, in front of the entire senior staff and several Admirals, and proposed to Kathryn. Tom had wolf whistled, Harry cheered, and Kathryn cried as Chakotay opened a small velvet box, a lovely silver band with a simple blue stone set in the center. She dropped to her knees in front of him, meeting him in their first kiss; a kiss that held so much promise for the future it nearly stole her breath away. After they pulled apart, laughing and wiping tears from their eyes, Tom reminded them that Kathryn hadn't actually answered him. She threw him one last 'Janeway glare' before turning back to Chakotay, holding a shaky left hand out for him to slip the ring on her finger. She whispered a yes to him before falling back into his arms, a cacophony of cheers and clapping surrounding them.

They wanted to marry before their crew drifted apart, so they planned everything as quickly as possible. Two weeks to the day after Voyager returned, everyone gathered in the Starfleet courtyard to witness their Captain and First Officer join in holy matrimony.

During the two weeks leading up to their wedding, Kathryn and Chakotay spent as much time together as possible in between family visits, debriefings and many MANY reports to write and file, but they decided to wait to be together until they arrived on Maui. They survived those two weeks on stolen kisses and caresses, but by the time they got to their honeymoon suite, their hunger for one another had reached fever pitch and they didn't leave the bedroom for the first three days, subsisting only on room service and each other. Seven years of foreplay had led to the best sex of Kathryn and Chakotay's lives, and they had been nearly inseparable ever since.

"Hello! Earth to Katie." Phoebe sat down on Kathryn's right hand side, watching her sister twist her wedding band around her finger. "Where were you just now? Aside from not here I mean."

Kathryn smiled, nuding her sister gently with her shoulder, "Just reliving the last month since we've been home. So much has happened, sometimes it just doesn't feel real." Her sister looked at her knowingly.

"Yeah, right. You can't fool me. You've been thinking about the last two weeks with your new 'sex on a stick' husband." She leaned closer, "Tell me, Katie. How is he in bed?" Kathryn's eyes went wide as she felt her cheeks redden.

"Phoebe!" She huffed out her sister's name on a disgruntled whisper just as Chakotay entered the room with two mugs in his hand. Kathryn glanced up at him and felt her pulse quicken, as it did lately every time she saw him.

"Come on, Katie," Phoebe drew out the words under her breath, "**You've just had some very nice intimacies that I'd like to hear all about when it's appropriate**." She winked at her sister before turning to watch Chakotay as he approached, handing Kathryn a mug of coffee and sitting down on her other side.

"Phee, it won't ever be appropriate, especially right now." Kathryn hissed at her sister, willing her to stop talking, especially now that Chakotay had sat down. Kathryn had warned him about her sister's persistent personality, but warning and experiencing were two very different things.

Chakotay could tell that something had his new wife in a snit, and he figured it had something to do with the Cheshire cat sized grin on her sister's face. "What are you two ladies talking about?" Kathryn groaned to herself. Phoebe leaned over her sister to look Chakotay square in the face.

"I was just asking my sister how you are in bed." Phoebe felt triumphant at the look on Chakotay's face and Kathryn's groan of embarrassment for him. "I see the way she looks at you like you're something to eat, so the sex must be pretty good, yeah?"

Chakotay didn't know if it would be worse to say something, or to stay silent. Just as he opened his mouth, he was rescued by the eldest Janeway as Gretchen entered the room with a tray of cookies. "Phoebe, whatever you're saying, stop it and leave them alone." Gretchen noticed immediately Chakotay's cheeks, flushed in embarrassment and Kathryn's face buried in her hands.

Chakotay understood in that moment where Kathryn got her commanding voice from. He'd always thought it had been from her admiral father, but hearing the matriarch of the family berate one of her children, he knew it was a gene that was passed from mother to daughter. He smiled his silent thanks to his new mother-in-law.

Kathryn pulled her knees up, curling into Chakotay's side as she took another sip of coffee, glad that at least with her mother in the room, Phoebe would have no choice but to leave Chakotay and herself alone.

Phoebe, to her credit, fell immediately back into the role of lovely sister-in-law; asking Chakotay about his history and his family; his time in the Maquis and his favorite moments aboard Voyager. She listened attentively as he spoke, gasping and laughing at all the right moments. Kathryn knew she was genuine, but also knew she'd pounce like a cat with a mouse the second their mother left the room.

Glancing at the clock on the wall she saw that it was only just after seven pm; way too early to excuse themselves and go to bed. She smiled to herself, realizing that this was the longest they had gone without making love since their honeymoon began.

Kathryn ached to be alone with her husband, but it was not meant to be when Gretchen stood up, "Chakotay, I have to run to the market to pick up some groceries for tomorrow. Would you mind walking with me? It's not far, and it'll give us a chance to get to know one another."

Kathryn felt her heart clench as her emotions conflicted; she very much wanted her mother to spend some time with Chakotay. She knew her mother would love him by default; if Kathryn had chosen him, then Gretchen would know that he was worthy of her affection, and therefore, a solid member of the Janeway family. After getting to know him better, to know his character, Kathryn knew her mother would fall in love with him too.

However, taking Chakotay to the store would mean that he would be leaving, even if only for an hour or so, he would be gone. She felt ridiculous, but she already missed him and ached for his return. Seven years of hiding their feelings had made them both eager to make up for lost time. She let out a soft sigh as Chakotay squeezed her knee, moving to stand up. "I'd love to, Gretchen." He turned back and pecked Kathryn's lips gently. "I'll see you in a while."

Kathryn watched as her mother and husband left the room, hearing the front door open and close, cringing as she felt her sister's eyes boring into her.

"Alright, Katie...spill."

"You're the worst, you know that, right Phee?" Kathryn grimaced as her sister got up, grinning, and went into the kitchen. Coming back with a bottle of Jameson whiskey, she poured a generous amount into Kathryn's coffee mug.

"I may be the worst, but I still want details…"

=/\=

Chakotay had a very pleasant trip to the market with Gretchen, and the conversation was wonderful. He hadn't had a proper motherly figure in his life in ages, and it felt nice to be cared for by the eldest Janeway. As they walked up the path to the front door, Chakotay's steps quickened. He missed his wife and was eager to have her beside him again.

His _wife_...he would never tire of thinking of Kathryn in that way. Opening the door for Gretchen, they were both met by the cackling laugh of Kathryn and Phoebe. Glancing nervously at Gretchen, she just shook her head, "Who knows what those two are up to..."

Setting the groceries on the kitchen table, Chakotay made for the living room where he'd left his wife and sister in law. The sight before him caused his jaw to drop as a laugh bubbled up in his throat.

Both women sat on the sofa, a nearly empty bottle of whiskey on the coffee table in front of them. Kathryn's face was flushed and her eyes watery. Phoebe was laughing, just barely catching her breath before spotting Chakotay, raucous laughter causing her to collapse back into the sofa. Upon seeing Chakotay, Kathryn's eyes went wide and she covered her mouth with one hand.

Phoebe got up on wobbly legs, giggles still fluttering from her lips as she approached her new brother. Staring at him as best she could, she adopted a serious face as she raised her hands, her pointer fingers coming up to press into Chakotay's dimples as he couldn't help but smile at the pair. Phoebe concentrated on his face, her head tipping to one side as she studied him. "So, you've got dimples on both sets of cheeks, huh?" She leaned over and looked quickly at his backside then back to his face, her hands dropping as dead weight to her sides, "Good to know." She winked awkwardly at him before stumbling towards the stairs to go to bed.

Chakotay felt his face flush in mortification as Kathryn slumped forward, unable to meet her husband's gaze as she covered her face with her hands. Gretchen just patted his arm, having seen the whole exchange. Shaking her head she looked at her new son, "Welcome to the Janeway family. I hope you're ready."


	4. I Accept This Life Because It Is Mine

Today's quote comes from Marie Curie. After the death of her friend Hertha, there is a moment in the play where she is remembering their time together. The INSTANT I decided to write this series of one-shots, I knew this quote would be perfect for this moment from the show.

Side note: I also have a lot more of this particular story to tell, so once this series of one-shots is done, this will become the first chapter of a multi-chapter fic...I hope you enjoy this one!

=/\=

Kathryn approached the hilltop slowly; she had been anticipating and dreading this day for as long as she'd been planning it, and almost decided to skip this part of her trip. However, as the day drew nearer, she knew she had to visit...one last time.

The sky was a dark grey with the impending rain, and autumn was already far enough along to have stripped the deciduous trees of their leaves, leaving them brown and dried up on the grass.

She liked this spot. She had chosen it, knowing that he would like it too, but whenever she visited, a macabre feeling made a home in her heart, ensconcing itself deeper and deeper every time she came back.

She hadn't been back here in nearly five years, but now it was time.

Glancing down, she felt tears burn in her eyes as she remembered back, all those years ago in the Delta quadrant. There had been so much sorrow and so much loss. But there had been friendship, camaraderie, and a love like she'd never known before.

And she'd given it all up to get her crew home.

She would _not_ let it happen a second time.

She stood silently for a moment, closing her eyes and praying to the spirits that Chakotay held so dear that this would work, that this crazy scheme of hers would make things better...for everyone.

Maybe she was being selfish for her reason to want to fix things, but she knew in her heart that everyone would benefit...not just her. Taking a slow, grounding breath, she opened her eyes and looked down at the earth beneath her feet.

"Any final words of advice for your old captain?" She felt the tears brimming forth but she didn't try to hide or stop them. She'd hidden her feelings from him for far too long, and she was done making that mistake. "Wait, don't tell me." She smiled softly through her tears. "I'm being impulsive, right?" She chuckled, picturing his concern in her mind's eye. Those wide brown eyes looking at her, his brow furrowed and his gentle lips pursed in concern. She could see it in her mind as though he were standing before her, ready to talk her out of whatever ridiculous idea she may have. "You think I haven't considered all of the consequences. That it's too risky...am I right?"

She knelt down then, desperate to be closer to him, though she knew it was in vain. She'd distanced herself from him a long time ago. "This has been a hard life, and not one that I would wish on anyone else, **BUT I ACCEPT THIS LIFE BECAUSE IT IS MINE. BECAUSE YOU GAVE IT BACK TO ME."** She wished she would have told him all of this when it still could have mattered...when it still might have meant something.

She sighed, closing her eyes again as she thought back to all of these years without him. Without her first officer. Without her friend. Without… "**THE WORLD IS BIGGER THAN BOTH OF US **Chakotay, and I won't pretend that it isn't. But I've got to try this. I've waited too long and made too many mistakes." She felt a tear slide down her cheek and watched as it landed on the stone near his name. "We both know the mistakes I made, and I can't live with the consequences anymore. "**IT HAS BEEN A DECADE AND I STILL FIND MYSELF IN CONVERSATION WITH YOU...A DECADE AND I STILL THINK OF YOU SO OFTEN.**" The tears were flowing freely now, and she wiped her cheeks with the back of her hand, knowing that if Chakotay were here with her right now, in more than just spirit, he'd place a comforting hand on her shoulder. The ache for him was palpable in her chest, and she took a shuddering breath as she continued on.

"**YOU COULD HAVE LIVED ANOTHER THIRTY YEARS. YOU SHOULD HAVE.**" She closed her eyes to the pain of his name before her, etched with perfection in the stone she herself had chosen for him. "I know you would _say _that it's not worth the risk, but I know in my heart that it is...at least for me. I hope that it will be for you too."

She pictured for a moment, the perfect end to this plan of hers, of it ending exactly the way that she hoped in her heart that it would. With a smile, she opened her eyes and looked back at the stone before her...the permanent reminder that he was gone. "I've got to do what I think is right. I know it wasn't easy living all of these years alone, Chakotay. It wasn't for me either." She brushed several more leaves off his headstone as the cool autumn breeze cluttered them up again. "But when I'm through, things might be better for all of us."

=/\=

If Kathryn had a bar of latinum for every time the ship had gone to red alert in the seven years that they'd been in the Delta quadrant, she could buy Quark's bar from him when they eventually got home.

Now a rift had opened up in front of their ship, with evidence of weapon's fire on the other side. Everyone was busy at their stations; information was flooding into the console between herself and Chakotay, and she could barely keep up with it all.

"There's a vessel coming through the rift," Tuvok spoke behind her, his own hands working quickly over his station.

"Klingon?" Chakotay questioned. The weapon's fire signatures were of Klingon origin, and Kathryn was _not_ in the mood for another run-in with the Klingons. One hormonal Klingon on board was more than enough.

"No," Tuvok spoke, pausing as if not believing his sensor readings, "Federation."

Everyone on the bridge seemed to halt at the moment and turn to look at Tuvok as if they too did not believe what he said. Kathryn's eyes went back to the viewscreen, anxiety and a bit of something resembling optimism curling like a serpent around her heart. At that moment, a shuttle came out of the rift at full impulse.

"We're being hailed," Harry spoke through his shock as the command to answer flashed at his station.

Kathryn stood up slowly, her eyes not moving from the monitor, "On screen."

Her heart stopped when...she herself came on screen, looking much older, a bit haggard, but with no less determination than Kathryn felt at this moment. Tom turned to look at Kathryn, befuddled as the doppelganger spoke in the same tone of voice they were all used to hearing from the Captain.

"Recalibrate your deflector to emit an anti-tachyon pulse. You _have _to seal that rift." It was clearly not a suggestion.

Kathryn felt her hackles go up at being ordered to do anything. It had been nearly a decade since anyone had told her what to do, and it was not a familiar situation.

"It's usually considered polite to introduce yourself before you start giving orders." She felt her brow furrowing as her mind circled as quickly as possible around the situation at hand. She could feel all eyes on the bridge flashing between her face and the one on the view screen. She could practically hear Chakotay thinking behind her as he worked to figure out options and plans for her. It was Tuvok that broke the silence first.

"Captain, a Klingon vessel is coming through."

"Close the rift!" The older woman spoke sternly, her icy eyes boring into Kathryn's, making her feel as though she were standing before a disciplinary board. "In case you didn't notice, I outrank you...Captain."

The woman's voice was cold; colder than Kathryn ever thought hers had been. What had happened to this woman to put that ice in her voice and the hardness in her eyes. Her own gaze flew to the rank insignia on the woman's collar. There, unmistakable was an Admiral's bar. It was on a uniform that Kathryn didn't recognize, but the rank was easy to see.

Without turning her head, Kathryn gave Tuvok the order to close the rift, and he expertly pulsed an anti-tachyon beam via the deflector into the space behind the shuttle. Just as several vessels came into view, the rift disappeared, leaving nothing but empty space before them.

"Alright, I did what you asked," Kathryn took a step forward towards the viewscreen, letting this woman know that even though she might outrank her, Kathryn was still the Captain of Voyager. "Now tell me what the hell is going on."

The woman before her remained emotionless, her face deadpan as she spoke again, "I've come to bring Voyager home."


End file.
